How to Talk to Women in Public

#8 Conversation Options

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"Excuse me, what time do you think [this event] ends?"

A practical question about a shared event's duration.

"I'm trying to find a good spot for [people-watching/sketching]. Do you have any favorites?"

Ask for recommendations for a leisurely activity.

"You have such beautiful [eyes/hair]. I just had to tell you."

A very direct physical compliment. Use only if you're confident in her receptiveness.

"You have a really infectious laugh. It just made me smile."

A compliment about her laugh, showing you noticed and appreciated it.

"Excuse me, do you know if [this shop/cafe] has [specific item]?"

A direct question about a product or service.

"That's a really [cool/unique] [pin/badge] on your [bag/jacket]. What does it mean?"

If she has a small, interesting accessory, ask about its significance.

"I'm looking for a good [place to eat/bar] for tonight. Any recommendations for someone who likes [specific type of food/drink]?"

Ask for specific dining/drinking recommendations.

"You seem like someone who really enjoys life. What's your secret?"

A broad compliment about her outlook, inviting her to share her philosophy.

"I'm new to this [city/neighborhood]. What's something I absolutely have to experience here?"

Ask for a must-do local activity or attraction.

"You seem like you know a lot about [topic, e.g., local history, fashion]. Am I right?"

A speculative compliment, inviting her to share her knowledge.

"That's a really [pretty/striking] [necklace/earrings]. Is it a gift?"

Compliment jewelry and ask about its sentimental value.

"That's a really [unique/cool] [scarf/headband]. Where did you get it?"

Compliment a specific accessory.

Overview

Approaching people and especially women on the street is tough and definitively not suited for people just starting out building their social skills. Most people in public are going somewhere or looking to get something done and not just hanging out, which means that you will fail often due to no fault of your own.

For this reason I recommend that anyone looking to be able to strike up conversations with the opposite gender in public first hone their skills in a more low-pressure environment, such as at work, at the gym, at bars or similar.

Reading nonverbal communication is key. If she is not interested in talking, does not have time or other issues to deal with, you need to know that information before trying to initiate a conversation or you will inevitably run into awkward situations.

Observe, make eye contact and see how she reacts and unless she is giving you clear signals that she is in a good mood and interested in talking, you are probably better off leaving her alone. Also all of this has to be done extremely quickly, especially if you are simply walking by someone on the street. You also need to be able to improvise and use the situation to your advantage while staying calm.

Top Tips

Here are some useful tips that may help you talk to girls in public:

• Make eye-contact with anyone you are interested in getting to know.

• Think and adapt quickly to arising or changing situations.

• Read body language and response to non-verbal communication quickly.

• Have clear rules for when to go for it and when to abort.

• Do not force any interaction. Only talk to people that do not mind it and are communicating that clearly.

• If there is something to comment on, make a comment towards them and see how they respond.

Common Problems

Here are some of the potential problems you may encounter when talking to people and especially women on the street or in public venues:

• Often people have some business to take care of or places to be, therefore have to time to chat.

• You will encounter situations where girls might signal interest in talking, but you simply will not have enough time to find a way to make it work.

• Often you will have to choose between higher likelihood of awkwardness and missing an opportunity.

• Uncomfortable and embarrassing situations are almost certain to happen sooner or later and cannot be avoided here. For example if they do not speak a language that you are fluent in.

How To Learn

While our tool can give you great lines to use and take some of the thinking out of your approach, if you really want to be great at striking up conversations with women in public, you will have to do it a lot. Over time you will learn what works and what does not, the signals that predict good or bad outcomes and much more. Sadly, you will probably have to fail a lot to get there.

Some of the skills you learn by approaching people in different places translate well, but some do not. In public and especially when walking on the street, people are generally not in a social mindset and you are going to notice that quickly.

It can be compared to learning to drive a car during a thunder storm at night. You can improve at it, but you are unlikely to ever drive as well as during a clear day and good weather. The best way to get there would probably be working your way up slowly: Start out at parties, at school or at work and work your way up to starting conversations on the train or while waiting in lone somewhere and eventually you might chance it to try on the street.

Of course some guys will simply dive in and start learning the hard skill by doing it, but this might be rough and can demoralize you quickly. It pays to look at this process as being a marathon rather than a sprint.

Pros

• You are able to meet many different people.
• You can build your social skills quickly.
• Talking in public is convenient and accessible.

Cons

• Most women will not be interested in talking here.
• It is just about the hardest place to start a decent conversation.
• Awkward moments are inevitable.
• You are a complete stranger here. They have never seen you before.
• You need to analyze, improvise, adapt and act extremely quickly.

Example

1. Observe her. Is she in a hurry, going somewhere urgently or relaxed and seems like she has time to stick around?

2. Make eye contact with a woman that you would like to chat with and smile.

3. If she smiles back, say "HI". If she does not or avoids eye contact, it is best not to force an interaction.

4. Ask an interesting question related to the situation. Being creative is important here. Ask about something you noticed about her. Consult the tool if you need good ideas.

5. Keep asking questions to keep the conversation going and track her nonverbal signals. If she ever seems disinterested, bored, stressed or passive, excuse yourself and leave. This will happen and you need to expect it.

6. If things are going really well, you might ask for contact information. This is almost necessary here, as you are unlikely to see her again. Do not be surprised if she denies. Keep in mind that she does not know you at all.

7. End the conversation at your discretion. Some may want to take the risk of overstaying their welcome to maybe keep in contact. Some may back out. Keep in mind again that approaching girls in public and asking for contact info right away is some of the hardest stuff you can choose to do.

Conclusion

Overall, talking to strangers in public and especially on the street is extremely difficult for most that are not insanely gifted. You have no prior contact that you could benefit from. Generally, this will be very first time the woman ever sees you and you have absolutely 0 trust built and you should expect outcomes that reflect this. None the less it can be a very effective way to learn how to talk to people and handle difficult and changing situations quickly. I would still recommend only trying this after you have mastered approaching in the less difficult places.